I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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