I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
