Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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