On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
