you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
tonight lets celebrate not being married
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
