I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
from now on my penis is your penis
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
