grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
