Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Never underestimate the power of titties
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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