If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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