on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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