Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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