end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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