Is it because I queefed?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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