if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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