just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
