I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
