Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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