we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
