I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
