Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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