This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
do herpes really smell.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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