I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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