I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
