It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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