i need an iv and a liver transplant
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
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