i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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