Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
