no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
