I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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