In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
