It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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