no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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