Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
