my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
