did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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