First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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