holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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