you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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