If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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