In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
