Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
