Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
