Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
