I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
