no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
