I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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