we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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