I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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