Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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