Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
