what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
