dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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